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Alright, I'm back to say that I like the beginning of this much better now, and things are easier to understand. You've given us the information we need to get all the lines here.

~Rosey

Liking the theme here. The preface to the poem really does help with the poem itself. I suppose I read it reader-responsively considering my sister once suffered with a severe case of Tourette's so I understand and respect your motives.

Reading this, I feel that it is intentionally arranged to follow no specific pattern or order. You are on the journey to writing in an unstructured format, which is a great way to write, but I feel as if this needs a little work.

As a suggestion, I would take out some of the phrases that sound like you're going for a clean-cut narrative. Because the poem is slightly unstructured, it's best to not linger on the concept, but to embrace it as much as you can. In other words, it would be interesting to see this poem as juxtaposed thoughts instead of telling a story. Here's an example:

Instead of:

"I've tried Fluphenazine,
Risperdal, Klonipin, plus many more.
And had reactions that were quite mean.

Pills did nothing,
Relaxation works, but you can't do it all the time.
I hear paperwork shuffling."

Go for something like this:

"Fluphenazine,
Risperdal, Klonipin, and many more.
The reactions, quite mean.

Pills did nothing,
Relaxation works, but can't do it all the time.

Paperwork shuffling."

I know it feels a bit postmodern, but it's a way that you can edit this to make it sound original without changing too much.

This is all just a suggestion. Overall, best of luck with your Tourette's...I've seen it's effects firsthand. Here's my sister's website, you should check it out: http://www.teenswts.net/home.html

I like this, I really do. Like Rosey said, you should probably try a little free verse instead, because of it's "freedom of speech". *starts laughing* Hehe! *suddenly serious* No idea why that was so funny.

Anyway, overall a very good poem! Oh, and if you still want to do a rhyming sort of thing, try to find a "rhyming" site, one that you can use to help you. Here are a few sites:

{*}http://www.rhymezone.com/
{*}http://www.rhymer.com/
{*}http://rhyme.poetry.com/
{*}http://www.writeexpress.com/online2.html
{*}http://whois.domaintools.com/rhymingsite.com
{*}http://www.dirjournal.com/reference/dictionaries/rhyming/

Hope that helps! ^^

- Claery

Hiya Vox!

But if not,
An undetermined road lies ahead.
Filled with procedures that cost a lot.

But at the same time, tics like this are hell.